Side Trip and Mind Monsters: Chapter Commentary

OMG. I’ve been so sick, and on top of that, I’ve had killer insomnia that just won’t let up. I did finally get a few drips and drops of sleep last night, although I would not say it was enough to feel restored.

Regardless, before the next chapter goes up, I wanted to give my commentary on Chapter 5: Side Trip and Chapter 6: Mind Monsters.

In Side Trip, we continue watching the accidental afterparty unfold at the karaoke bar that just happens to be a known spot for celebrities to turn up. This was the chapter I was nervous about posting, I guess because while we’ve gotten a few small glimpses of Cara’s sexual proclivities up to now, we get to see it come on in full force. As I might have mentioned, this is the first time I’ve ever written anything that explores sexuality at any level of depth.

(In my previous writing life, I did write something that was maybe a little too sexually shocking for one of my readers who made it very clear they did not approve. Well, I’m not writing for them anymore, now am I?)

Hypersexual vs. hypercurious

One question I’ve considered throughout the writing of this story: Is Cara hypersexual? She certainly thinks about it a lot. She could be a technical writer for literally any type of product, but she has established her niche in the sex toy realm. For her, I think it might just be that sex is interesting and exciting, and the idea of writing instructions about anything else is just too boring for her to manage. And, she gets to use the products as part of her research, along with Griffin, so there is that side benefit.

I hoped to establish that she and Griffin have a healthy sexual relationship together physically. But what does it mean that Cara’s daydreams so often drift into sexual territory – and that they don’t always involve him?

Does it have something to do with her neurodivergence? That could be part of it. I don’t want to generalize and paint all neurodivergent people in a certain way. ND expresses itself uniquely for everyone who has it. In Cara’s case though, I think it does have to do with novelty-seeking, and why daydreaming has become such an active outlet for her.

She’s not really a risk taker, unless she thinks it will please someone whose affection she craves. She skates pretty close to the rink boards. So her daydreams let her explore her sexual fantasies in a safe and covert way. No one knows but her, and no one can take them from her. If the fantasies sometimes involve other men, I do think it’s about novelty. She’s not unhappy with Griffin. It seems to me that her needs are met, in the physical world. But hypercuriosity is a common ND trait. So when River Deane shows up not just at the karaoke bar but in her bathroom daydream, Griffin fans are going to feel alarmed, but I don’t think it’s that alarming.

She’s not proud of it. Griffin even shows up in the daydream to admonish her.

Am I making excuses for her?  Maybe. Is it never okay to fantasize about someone else? People don’t seem to think it’s too big of a deal when it’s a celebrity – someone you don’t have personal contact with, or regular access to. But as soon as that person becomes someone you know in real life, now we’re dealing with what some call emotional cheating.

As the story continues, that theme isn’t going away, so maybe buckle up.

River has entered the chat

I want to talk a bit about River. He has entered the story not just as an element, but as an actual character. Granted, we don’t know much about him yet. He’s polite. He appreciates his fans. He’s affable and chill. And he’s in search of something to reignite a spark in his musical creativity after so many years of commercial success.

Does Cara really have what he’s looking for? Maybe he went to the karaoke bar with that purpose in mind, and as he walked in the door, just happened to hear her sing one of his songs. Maybe he should have listened to a few more singers before making up his mind about her. But the coincidence is certainly compelling. To an artist like him, it might be the sign he was looking for, even if there's something better out there.

Monsters of the mind

I haven’t said much about this latest chapter. Originally it was combined with the karaoke chapter, but it was getting a bit long, so I separated it into it’s own thing. It’s really meant to transition from the karaoke scene to what’s coming next.

Is it fair for Cara to be pissed at Griffin for agreeing to River’s invitation on her behalf? I don’t think Griffin means any harm – in fact, he sees it as a positive for both of them. He gets to hang out with his idol, and he certainly sees it as an opportunity for Cara to take more risks in her life, be more spontaneous, indulge this side of her that seems to be emerging. But I think Cara’s allowed to feel some resistance. Griffin didn’t want her to say no, and regret it, but shouldn’t she have the right to say no, and regret it?

The nightmare that follows is meant to process her anxiety and self-awareness about her daydreaming, and some of the guilt and shame she experiences about it. River has shown up in her daydreams now, but is it really him? Or is it a version of him that she created that actually has nothing to do with who he really is? And how healthy is that?

I’m working on getting the next chapter up, hopefully later today. It’s really helpful for me to get these thoughts off my chest as I continue posting, even if no one is reading this.