Show Time and Accidental Afterparty

In these next two chapters (I didn’t previously have chapter names, but as I post on Inkitt I’m naming them, not sure if they will stick but trying it out for now), we are graced with the presence of country music superstar River Deane, in all his legendary (and not so legendary) glory.

Cara and Griffin experience the concert in their own ways – Griffin feeling every goosebumpy moment, Cara oscillating wildly as her senses and her thinking patterns compete for her attention. 

She so desperately wants to be in the moment like Griffin, but her inner monologue is in the driver’s seat, as usual.

The post-concert shenanigans give a little taste of how Cara does have an outlet for some of her "desire to be seen" energy that she keeps a lid on, even if it's a fairly safe outlet by some people's standards (my take: karaoke is for everyone, they just don't know it yet).

I said I wanted to do a deep dive on Cara and now seems like the right time, before the story builds. But I don’t want to give too much away, there is more to her that will be revealed, and also, I want readers to be able to understand her in their own way, according to their own experiences.

Cara

So what can I say about Cara…

I think she sort of sees herself as a nerd with homebody tendencies. She moves through the world tentatively, as someone who craves experiences and excitement, but what she can’t quite take a chance on in the real world, she’s quite happy to fulfill that need for herself in her immersive imagination. I guess the question is… is that enough for her?

She also desperately wants to please others, and I think she’s disgusted by that tendency in herself. That feeling of not belonging in first-class on the airplane isn’t just about first-class. She feels like she doesn’t belong anywhere, and I think that’s why she keeps her external world so small and close.

A lot of people can probably relate to that. I know I can.

Hopefully her self-deprecating humor and mastery of deflection is starting to come through. I would say this is a key aspect of her character. It says more about her than she wants anyone to know. In her attempt to “fit in” to the world around her, she carefully filters out anything that can be perceived as sensitivity, all while she’s freaking out on the inside with sensory overload.

I didn’t intend for her to be a “quirky” character. I’m not sure if she’s coming across that way or not. What I wanted to show was the constant, never-ending push and pull that she lives inside of herself to reconcile who she really is versus who she thinks the world and others in her life want her to be. I guess she fits into the “small town girl with big city dreams” archetype, and I’m cool with that, but it’s scaffolding for a lot of nuanced layering. At least that’s my intention.

I think the Cara deep dives are going to have to be an ongoing thing as the story unfolds – I can’t sum her up now when there is so much left to unfurl.

Griffin

I also don’t want to ignore the other characters. Because I will tell you now, there is no one in this story that I’m not deeply in love with in some way. But there is definitely a Griffin deep dive that needs to happen. For now, all I want to say about Griffin is that his sweetness and patience give me life, and I love that the vulnerability Cara is so reluctant to show, Griffin wears on his sleeve.

Content Warning (going forward...)

One thing I want to hedge is that this story definitely enters some very morally gray waters. Maybe a little trigger warning now for anyone who doesn’t like the idea of good people doing bad things, or bad people doing good things (that is an extreme take that I’m not sure any character of this book reaches, but I’ll leave that up to you to decide). This is not a cozy story, even if it wants to be.