In defense of magical thinking, I have no defense.

This is the one where I admit that I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

Over the past, I don't know, week or so? Maybe the last two weeks? I've found myself being more actively online as it pertains to doing the self-promotion thing. And it's like all I can think about. It's leaving me very little time for things like work, or house stuff, or exercise, or reading, or writing.

I guess I just got tired of moping about how hard it is to find an audience for my book. And for the record, it is super fucking hard. But also, I have to admit, I wasn't really trying that hard. I mean, I was trying really, really hard to manifest it, like if I just daydreamed about it enough, it would just happen. The irony of what Maladaptive is actually about is not lost on me. 

But the magical thinking that compelled me write the book is definitely not going to help me get it out there, to the people who will love it. I mean it's out there, but they don't know it's out there, and all the yearning and wanting and wishing in the world is not going to bring them to me. I have to bring the book to them.

Cue me signing up for ALL THE THINGS.

So, I already had an Instagram, which has a small following and a few awesome people who engage regularly, and this blog that no one reads. And I had taken the plunge on a couple of ARC review platforms (BookSirens and Booksprout) which have not been very fruitful - though I do want to appreciate the one person who downloaded a review copy on BookSirens, even if they haven't reviewed it (yet).

Amid my emotional spiraling about how much I feel like a wistful girl with a guitar playing to only a few people in an otherwise empty venue, I'm trying really hard to flip the script on that perspective and be grateful for those people. They showed up. I'm glad they showed. It's not cool for me to whine to them about "where is everyone else?" They owe me nothing, and yet, there they are, and I fucking love them for it.

I guess that perspective has given me a bit of fuel. I've started posting more consistently on Instagram and started engaging on Threads. 

I've been posting more on Reddit, too, which unfortunately led to me getting banned from r/suggestabook because I got it confused with r/recommendabook where author self-promotion is allowed, but on r/suggestabook it's not, but like I said I was confused, and someone on r/suggestabook posted asking for a recommendation for a book that is almost exactly the description of Maladaptive and I got really excited and didn't check the rules and I replied and self-promoted my book and then my post got removed and I got banned, and as you can see, I'm completely over it and not having any rejection sensitivity dysphoria about it at all.

I decided to try and start being active on Goodreads, and I joined The Storygraph, and even submitted Maladaptive to a book reading challenge there. 

I started a BookBub, (the free version) although something is wonky with it and for some reason I can't seem to update my profile, so that's a thing I need to look into.

And I opted into the Smashwords Summer/Winter Sale which I was eligible for because I published through Draft2Digital, which means the eBook will be free on Smashwords for the month of July, which is cool but also, I'm really really afraid that it won't amount to anything. I mean, it won't amount to any money, that's for damn sure, but the hope is that it results in at least some visibility, and some downloads. Anyway, the banner graphics they gave me for my social media are fun, check the one at the top of the page :)

But the biggest thing that I did was join StoryOrigin, the paid version, where the entire point is to build a mailing list for a newsletter as a way to participate in group promotions with other authors. It sounded great at first, but as I've started to try and build my presence there, I feel like I've gone from treading in deep water to being completely submerged. The idea of building a mailing list and starting a newsletter is actually horrifying to me. But all signs are pointing to that being something I have to do. 

Trying to get set up is a rabbit hole through approximately 20,000 dimensions that is also an endless loop of hoops to jump through. I've set up all these landing pages, like a universal book link (which is not really universal because it only has limited links, and I already have a comprehensive UBL through D2D / Books2Read, but anyway...), a review copy link, and a link collection (basically a Linktree, which I also already have), and connected them to a StoryOrigin hosted website  I had to buy a domain for that! So now www.zinniasherwood.com is an actual thing that exists, which is actually kind of awesome even if the page is ridiculously, super basic.

I tried to join a group review promo, but the organizer hasn't let me in. It's probably because I'm new and have zero links shared or clicked and people think I'm just hitching a ride. So I started my own group promo (Funny, Weird & Unhinged Cross-Genre Indie Fiction), which amazingly, someone joined! It doesn't start until July 31st though, so I can't really start sharing that link around until about a week before the promo starts. (And yeah, I did just link it here anyway because this post is literally me just trying to organize everything in one place and get a mental handle on it all.)

The next thing is to add a reader magnet. And honestly... I am le tired. All of this is supposed to help me build a mailing list and start a newsletter by participating in group promos, but I need the newsletter and mailing list in order to participate in the the group promos, but I can't have a newsletter without a mailing list. So I'm stuck in this whirling chicken-and-egg vortex where I need the one to get the other and I just need someone to open the door a crack for me big enough to get my toe in. That's all I ask.

And I hate asking. I really do. I hate that I have to do any of this stuff. None of this is magical. None of this is what I imagined. It's hard work and it takes so much fucking time, and it makes me feel like a creep. But you know, at least I'm spending all my time designing pretty Instagram posts that only three people ever see, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

Aw man, did I just whine? Forget I said that. I'm grateful. I am. Two people bought my book on Amazon. I received my first royalty payment of $10.43 the other day. That's not nothing, and it's nothing short of amazing, actually.