It's about Sixty-Six. It's becoming real. As in, a real actual physical book, and I'm freaking the fuck out. First, let me say that when the cover came back from the designer (Getcovers) I was pretty excited. I mean, look:
It is so cool. It's beyond cool, it's rad, and I'm super happy with it! This is just the eBook cover for now, because I requested a minor update to the back cover blurb, and that is still in progress, but I'll share that when it's ready.
It is so cool. It's beyond cool, it's rad, and I'm super happy with it! This is just the eBook cover for now, because I requested a minor update to the back cover blurb, and that is still in progress, but I'll share that when it's ready.
This is not the thing I want to hurl about.
I want to hurl because today I posted the link to the ARC review sign-up form on Instagram, and on Reddit. I had some lowkey anxiety when I was putting the form together, because announcing ARC reviews meant that I had to land on a release date for the book.
My goal is to publish it in 2026, but before December. I was hoping for October, but with August almost over, I felt like that was cutting it too close. So I landed on November 2, and now I have to commit to that.
My goal is to publish it in 2026, but before December. I was hoping for October, but with August almost over, I felt like that was cutting it too close. So I landed on November 2, and now I have to commit to that.
The plan is to start the ARC review window on September 1 to October 13, six weeks. September 1 is next week.
And honestly that is the thing that is making me queasy. Because I have lived with this manuscript for 8 years, and for most of that time, I was of the mindset that it would not be something I would ever publish. More than that, I consciously decided that it marked the end of my identity as a writer.
Now, I did manage to clear a number of psychological hurdles to get to this point. I started writing again. I gave Sixty-Six to Cara as her project in Maladaptive. I posted it to Inkitt. I decided to fix it up and polish it to publish it. I had the cover designed. I got an ISBN for it. And now I've posted an ARC review sign up form to Instagram.
This is the point of no return. I have so much emotional crap attached to this book, and I am scared. What if I get no sign ups? I mean, that would suck, but that just means I'll be publishing it without reviews, like I did with Maladaptive. Not ideal, but doable. The scarier question is, what if it does get reviews, and they're bad? Okay, you know what, I can come back from that. Because at least it will mean that people read it, and if they honestly don't like it, then that's okay, because it's honest. I'll take it. But there is another possibility even worse than that...
When I wrote it back in 2018, I shared it with some friends and family. I had no plan to publish it due to the lack of support I received for previous short graphic novel story books I had self-published. But I had written a whole freaking novel, and I was proud of it. At that time it seemed unthinkable that I would just not tell anyone, or not show it to anyone. So there are people out there who are aware of it.
So the big scary question is, what if someone who knows me in real life comes across it? This is highly unlikely, I realize that. Based on how things have gone for Maladaptive, I would be certifiably nuts if I had any expectation that anyone beyond the few people I engage with on Instagram would ever become aware of it. But there is still a non-zero chance that it might somehow permeate the boundary between this world and that one.
And of course that also hinges on the friends and family members who are aware of the book to remember that I wrote it, and to remember what it's called. That's also extremely unlikely, but again, not a zero percent chance. And in the extremely unlikely chance that someone who knows me in real life comes across Sixty-Six as a self-published novel under the name Zinnia Sherwood and thinks, "Hey, didn't [name withheld] write a book called this?" then they might decide to ask me about it. Or they might decide to look up my pen name and find Maladaptive. And they might ask me about that. And then I will have to find someone who can build me a device that will teleport me to another habitable planet in another solar system.
And of course that also hinges on the friends and family members who are aware of the book to remember that I wrote it, and to remember what it's called. That's also extremely unlikely, but again, not a zero percent chance. And in the extremely unlikely chance that someone who knows me in real life comes across Sixty-Six as a self-published novel under the name Zinnia Sherwood and thinks, "Hey, didn't [name withheld] write a book called this?" then they might decide to ask me about it. Or they might decide to look up my pen name and find Maladaptive. And they might ask me about that. And then I will have to find someone who can build me a device that will teleport me to another habitable planet in another solar system.
Then there is the question about what people who read/have read Maladaptive will think of me publishing Cara's book. It's kind of weird, isn't it? I thought I was giving it its final hurrah in Maladaptive. That was how the Sixty-Six saga was supposed to end. I tried to make peace with it and leave it there, but no, that torch had to keep on burning. I know, I'm the one in control of this, I'm the one making the decisions. So why is it so hard for me to ignore this compulsion to get it out? And what does that mean for Maladaptive? What does that mean for Cara? Am I changing that story? Am I writing a new chapter? What the hell do I do with that?
Wow, am I actually having a vertigo spell?
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